Cause issa new year for me
"Don't stop, get it get it"-Uncle Luke
Yes yes, it’s my birthday. 32 years on Earth and each year seem to get better and better. Normally I would be super excited, nervous, or stressed when it came to my birthday plans but IDK, I’m not feeling it this year! Maybe it’s the fact that a 32nd bday isn’t a milestone birthday to celebrate or maybe it’s just that I stopped caring about expectations but I’m not feeling any of the emotions I would normally feel around this time of the year. I’m kind of at peace with letting things be. Plus, no birthday will top my golden year where I climbed a mountain in Africa and got chased down that mountain by a baboon anyway lol
So as I sit in Baobab Fare eating Samaki, I figured today was the best day to reflect on the year I’ve had. I always ask my friends to answer this same question on their birthday (which I got from my grad school professor): tell us your journey from your last birthday to this birthday.
She called it a year-end review and I absolutely love it. I think it’s great to reflect on my new year and what mental space I was in last year vs this year because soooo much has changed. And what better audience to share my journey with than all of you? So let's reflect on my year starting with last year's birthday...
Man 2020 was wild as hell, wasn’t it? I can’t believe we were (and still are) in a pandemic, but being on lockdown from March 2020-June 2020 was different. By the time my birthday rolled around, I was just happy to be getting out of the house, though there were still a lot of restrictions. Despite the obvious crisis, 2020 was still a good year for me; I was no longer in a stressful job (I started working in a non-profit again), I was able to save some money and pay off a lot of my debts, and lastly (and this is the best one) I started seriously working on my self-love. Honestly and truly, I stopped giving AF about people's opinions of me and holding back parts of myself because of that. I spent a lot of my life not doing things because I looked a certain way or not speaking up for fear of being judged or rejected but I came into my 31st birthday not caring about any of that and it was truly refreshing. So on my 31st birthday, I put on my cute lavender dress that showed my tummy and posted a full-body pic to start the day and while that might seem minor to you, it was a big deal for me.
My big day consisted of eating good food, drinking great wine, and vibing with people I love. I couldn’t have asked for a better way to start my new year, and it truly went up from there. I went to a rooftop bar the next day (Thursday), turned up at the sand dunes with my best friend on Friday (that shit was hype), and stayed at the Atheneum Suites, which is downtown Detroit on Saturday. It was truly a great experience and honestly better than my 30th birthday so I was content and had a lot of fun. Even though that day (or week, honestly) was filled with love, connections, high energy, and most importantly, fun, some part of me felt new and this made all of my birthday experiences that much greater.
But I still battled with insecurities that I wanted to do better with, mainly my size/weight which is something I've battled with since I was younger. During my bday, I was doing good, working out, eating a little better but of course, that fell off soon after. By October 2020 I had a moment of clarity about my health when I was in Vegas.
I realize that I still did a lot of traveling during COVID, and Vegas was one of many spots I've visited. Now, I’ve been to Vegas a million times but this time it was different; beyond the obvious (Covid lessening the turn up) it was so hard for me to do simple stuff, like walking around. If you know anything about Vegas (or at least the strip), you’re going to be doing some damn walking, so for that to be a task let me know I needed to make a change. Finding outfits to wear was becoming a task too because things weren’t fitting as I wanted them to.
The real moment of clarity happened when I participated in a drifting experience (very very fun, would highly recommend). If you’ve never heard of this, Vegas has an exotic car racing company where you can drive cars like a Lamborghini or Porsche on a racetrack while a professional coaches you through it. One of the additional activities that you can add is drifting in a Hellcat with a professional drifter. Super fun and exciting shit. Of course, I signed up for that, cause that’s right in my lane! So we’re getting in the Hellcat and I’m in the backseat and the driver is waiting for me to buckle up and…I’m struggling to get my seatbelt on. Like for real struggling, I can’t get it buckled, and it’s so embarrassing. After a few tries, I was able to get buckled in, and the ride was great, despite the seatbelt choking me half to death. I left that trip knowing I had to make some changes and did.
By the end of October, I wanted to try something new…not eating meat. This was extreme for me, cause I love a good steak, a juicy hamburger, and bacon, but I wanted to get serious with my health and challenge myself to do something different to achieve this goal. I decided to try and eliminate meat, with the exception of seafood, for a week. I figured this was going to be tough, as I've never done something like this before but after that first week, it wasn't that bad! I was like "I can do this" and I kept it going. So I'm happy to say that I haven't eaten meat since October 2020 and I'm so happy to have challenged myself in this way. I've gotten more creative with meals that I eat and I've added lots of veggies to my diet because...I don't have shit else to eat lol
December 2020 was a transformative month for me: I was finally seeing the results of my lifestyle change through weight loss, I paid off a lot of my debts, including paying off my car a year early, and I got a job offer in Higher Education after taking a break and working in non-profit for almost a year. I also got loc'd up, and that was a hard and scary decision but one that I'm forever grateful that I made because this hair journey has been EVERYTHING. I've been debating on getting locs for yearrrrs, not sure if it was the idea of committing to locs that was scary or just the idea of trying something new but this year I said "f*ck it, I'm doing it" and I'm so glad I did. My journey with my hair and my life are so aligned right now and I love it.
I started 2021 with clarity, abundance, and a new vision. Because of my lifestyle journey, I began developing my self-love journey as well; I started meditating and manifesting. I incorporated working out into my day and was intentional with the food I was eating. I even started eliminating social media from my diet, which was necessary. I would be lying if I said this journey was easy or that eliminating meat was the solution to my eating problems; there were times where I didn't work out, or ate too much, or ate just junk, but this journey has taught me not to aim for perfection. There is always room for growth and learning. Just because I make a mistake doesn't mean I can't get it right the next time. Learning to be realistic and giving myself room to grow has kept me on this journey for so long. Though my routine has fallen off a bit, I'm working on getting back on track. I'm still meatless but I still have cravings, which makes me that much more intentional about what I choose to eat. I'm learning to play the long game and taking things day by day.
Today, on my 32 birthday, I spent time with myself. I took myself to eat some really great food for lunch, then headed to a cigar lounge. I ended the night with dinner with my mom. I can say this was a great birthday and definitely a change of pace for me. Normally, I would be trying to do all of these things for my birthday, and I would probably be trying to do all of these things with a lot of people because I wanted to be surrounded and adored. I would also be irritated and slightly disappointed whenever I had moments that didn't go as planned. I realize that this birthday was about solitude, and it gave me a moment to not only reflect on my past year but to set intentions for my new year, so that's what I'm going to do.
My intentions for my new year are to worry less about the opinions of others and to love myself, no matter what size I am; To be open and honest about what I want, and to learn to not do things with the thought of expectations; To learn to say no, and not feel bad about it; To know my worth and stand on it; To give myself grace and not be my own biggest critic; To not use outside sources to make unrealistic comparisons, and to do things that will make me happy which might include me being a little selfish.
I'm really happy this year, and it's not the same happiness that I get from taking trips or reuniting with friends or even getting a new job. It's a happiness that I've worked hard to get to and will continue to work hard to keep. It's been a very blessed and amazing year so far and it's only up from here.
Happy Birthday to Me